Ambiversion (3/28/18)

I am convinced that love doesn't love me the way I desire to love it.

I am convinced that there is a scripture carved into my heart that forbids trespassers from entering without a permit

They only come to visit but never stay..might come through, pretend, play, lay..might chat, make me smile but soon enough runs away

I asked Oshun "Where is my brave heart? Will he be here soon?" faith in love is dissipating, fading, fleeting, hardly believing

She told me to have faith and I will get to my infinity, and it wasn't what I wanted to hear but I know this truth is the key to our affinity

Remind me what it feels like to be in love because I'm beginning to forget, losing my edge, fading into vignette....

...I just wanna water the seeds that we already sowed, and you say you wanna just take it slow but this pace is fucking with my flow making me question if I should pull you closer or is it time to go

It's like I can be flooded with attention from so many niggas but it don't matter cuz they not you

I told myself to let it go cuz you don't want it like that anyways, if you did these other chicks would know they place and I wouldn't have to question whether it's better to go or stay.

Maybe I'm just like her and I thought what she thinks and I think you want me because you make me smile and it makes me weak...

...But I ain't no weak bitch and I hope you know I don't need you I want you and that's a compliment not a diss

When I said the L word I never lied, it was felt from the heart, not lust from between my thighs, the words contemplated in my mind..

And even though I'm talking myself into keeping my distance because we have no direction I still feel the same, I still love you in some kinda way

I don't know how, don't ask me why some things just can't be explained.

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